Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Paranormal Review + Surprise Review!

Last night, Jordan and I ventured out of the house for our weekly pilgrimage to the cinema. We decided it was time to see Paranormal Activity 2. My expectations were exceedingly low, figuring it would be good for maybe one or two good jump-scares, and then 90 more minutes of nothing happening. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it actually had a plot (AND stationary cameras -- thank fucking god). Not an amazingly detailed or original plot (or even entirely explained), but it was a nice change from the first "film". It's probably the only time I'll ever say this, but the sequel was way better than the original.

I'm not going to talk about the movie much, and I won't be mentioning any actual events from it. All I really have to say is that I did in fact jump a lot. And I actually kind of enjoyed it. It was good for a laugh, and it freaked me out in the moment.

What I am going to talk about is our fellow movie-goers. Who were, for the most part, all morons. "Oh my god, this is real! It says 'based on a true story'!" Seriously? Do you people live in a nunnery/monastery? Do you only get out once every 3 years? Or are you all lobotomy victims?

But really, even disregarding the fact that both movies have already been revealed to be fake (no way!), THEY HAVE ACTORS IN IT THAT HAVE APPEARED IN OTHER SHOWS. The sister of the main character from the first film is Sprague Gayden, who has also appeared in House MD, Criminal Minds, Law & Order: SVU, 24, CSI: Miami, Without a Trace, Jericho, etc. All of which can be found on her IMDB page. Not only that, but they slap a "based on a true story" line onto every so-called spooky movie these days. The Strangers? Total bullshit. Amityville Horror? Admittedly bullshit. There are more bullshit "true" stories, but I'm too lazy to list all of them.

In any case, the population of moronic teens in the theatre (who couldn't shut the hell up during the silences) was amazingly high. DO NOT SEE THIS FILM AT ANY SHOWING THAT LOTS OF TEENS WILL ATTEND. Or shout spoilers when you're waiting for the movie to start. "This movie isn't REAL!"

Overall, if you like jump-scares and cheap thrills, you'll like it.

Jordan and I both enjoyed it, particularly when we got back to my place. Lately, we've been having crazy weather, which includes unbelievably high winds. That'll become relevant later. When we got in, I went upstairs to make something to eat. Jordan accompanied me, of course. While I was "making" food, we kept hearing a weird scratching noise. It sounded like it was coming from the living room. Jordan really doesn't like ghost stories, so the unexplained scratching was really unnerving him. I was focused on my bagel, so I didn't care (but I did care that I cut it crooked -- poor, sad bagel).

I told Jordan that the noise was probably just my father, asleep in the next room, but he wanted proof. When I finished making the bagel, I went to investigate the sound. First we checked on my dad. It wasn't him, and it wasn't even coming from the living room, but from there, it sounded as if it was at the front door. As I descended the stairs onto the landing, the howling and whining of the wind could be heard through the door. I realized before opening it that it was just the wreath blowing in the wind, but Jordan wanted to be sure. I opened up the door and the sound had stopped. To prove that I was correct, however, I rubbed the wreath against the door, and lo and behold, the mysterious sound was found out.

Of course, that was when Jordan noticed the door was red; a bad omen. Apparently, even without evil, bloodthirsty wreaths, we're doomed. Or at least I am. No more scary ghost movies for Jordan.

Disclaimer: In all fairness to my boyfriend, I did indeed jump about a foot in the theatre, and then proceeded to have nightmares last night.

Bonus Movie Review: Unstoppable -- Runaway train, never comin' back. Wrong way on a one-way track.

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