Tuesday, December 7, 2010

OMG PAP

Disclaimer: Okay, for those of you out there who find it distasteful to discuss medical examinations, I suggest steering clear of this latest post. I promise there won't be anything graphic, and the mention of the exam is purely for setting.

A few weeks ago, I called up my doctor's office for some reason or another and was informed that I was due for a Pap smear (it's a vaginal exam, for anyone who doesn't know). Yesterday, I had my appointment for it. Since I don't drive, my mom accompanied me, and she sat with me in the waiting room. While we were chatting, someone she knew walked past the door, so she shouted to him, "John! JOHN!" Eventually he turned around and came over to talk. Introductions were made, and my mom explained that John is a third-year medical student. After the chatting was done, John left and I informed my mom that he was very cute. Then I was called in.

In the exam room, my doctor asked if I'd mind if a med student came in during the procedure.

Me: Is it John?

Doctor: Oh, you know him?

Me: Well, my mom does.

Doctor: Oh, will that be a problem?

Me: No, it's okay. I mean, you're both doctors. You've both seen everything. Or, well, he's about to.

Once again, my fantastic ability for misspeaking was brought to the fore as my face turned red and the room was filled with slightly awkward laughter. She had already guessed that what I'd really meant was John was practically a doctor and as such, will have seen everything by the time he finishes his fourth year. That still doesn't really sound right, but I am very talented at explaining things poorly.

After my doctor's visit, I was talking to Jordan, and I told him about the exam and my slightly embarrassing "joke". I also mentioned ho immediately after I left the office, I texted Kendra to alert her to John's existence. She was already well aware (she's a nurse at the local hospital) and girly gossip ensued. I hinted to her that I hadn't seen a ring on his finger, and Jordan helpfully added in, "Don't you mean you didn't feel one?"

I, of course, rolled my eyes. Others to whom I've relayed the story have found it quite hilarious. Thanks, guys. (Don't worry, I still love you.)

Continuing with humorous conversations, Pat and I were hanging out today and somehow got to discussing Stephen Hawking.

Pat: Stephen Hawking says that religion is for those too stupid to know better.

Me: Ha ha! I love him. And he totally has the sexiest voice in the world.

Pat: Ha! His voice modulator can have any accent in the world. He should go to England for a year and come back with a British accent.

I then dissolved into giggles. Though, it was a lot funnier before I found out Stephen Hawking is from England.

Another Disclaimer: If the comment on religion offended you, that really sucks. Sorry, dudes.

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