Thursday, November 17, 2011

Taco Bell Showdown

My latest Friday tradition involves crossing the bridge into the States, meeting up with the guys at Dot Games, and playing Magic the Gathering until 2:00 a.m., at which point we go to Taco Bell to watch the drunks dance. And of course, I mean attempt to beat the shit out of each other.

Lately, the drunken brawls have been few and fairly lacklustre, but last Friday, we got a real show. One particular drunkie (whom I shall name Impotent Rage, or IR), seemed determined to incite some violence. He and his assumed girlfriend were outside, where he began yelling at any male within tackling distance. Drunk girlfriend (DGF) continually attempted to hold IR back, usually resulting in her falling over whenever he stepped aside. It was at this point that IR seemingly decided that the reason he wasn't fighting was that he was far too clothed and removed his shirt. It was about 5 Celsius and you could tell.

When IR was still not a-swing-and-a-missing with another Drunkie Brewster, he decided that the best solution to this was to retrieve the crowbar from the back of his truck. Sadly (or happily, for the people parked at T-Bell), the night did not culminate in the smashing of a fancy car. Or any car. Once the gloves (and shirts) were off and the crowbar came out, the sober (or less drunk) onlookers managed to wrangle IR into a car (a feat which had thus far only resulted in him exiting a car multiple times). He and DGF disappeared in a haze of alcohol-induced insanity, and possibly a Corolla.

By 3:30 a.m., it was time for Jukebox (an alias, for the record -- sorry, puns are entertaining) and I to disappear as well. On our way to the bridge and my home country, we saw something in the road. Something with a shine to it. As we'd passed the object, we took a side road and made our way back. The closer we got, the more certain we became of the nature of the object. Jukebox parked and I got out, running into the empty road and gingerly picking it up from the ground. We took it with us, laughing at the random nature of our discovery, and smuggled it into Canada with us. Those border patrol officers never knew what didn't hit them. Triumphantly, Jukebox dropped me off, though not before thoroughly photographing the item. Do you want to know what we found? Stay tuned tomorrow for photos and the big reveal!


  1. Hey! It is tomorrow now and I want photos!

  2. Oh man, photos will have to wait. New material to blog about.